Tahoe 200, when 100 miles is not far enough. My groundhog day.

So, now I've been using the GoPro which makes it even easier to avoid writing. On the quest to further my idiocy I signed up for the Tahoe 200. When 100 miles is not far enough, seriously? Why go further? It's that same bullshit question people have been asking mountaineers forever? "Why did you climb that mountain?, because it was there" I think that's kind of a bullshit answer. But what do I know I'm pretty full of shit myself.

I was heading into the unknown. A distance I thought was just insane. I still kind of think so due to the fact I'm still wrapping my head around what actually happened. I have to say that a 9:00 am start time is rather civilized. Sleeping to a decent hour in a bed is awesome!

Staring off at the first climb wondering what is in store for me. All I know is that the first climb is right from the start line. I also knew the first 60 miles of the course were to be the most wicked miles I had ever run. I have to say I've run in some pretty rough and desolate places over the last few years.  I think it took me roughly 18 hrs to cover those miles. My feet got TORE UP! But, I was able to share some miles with Sean and Mark. Funny, I was about three miles in  on the inside of a right turn holding my line when from the left a runner dashed across my path and made me change my line. Having been a cyclist for years I wanted to scream at this (elite runner) watch your fucking line. I have never had somebody cut my line in an ultra. We have a long fucking way to go and ten seconds is where you are gonna make up time? We had that, and the fella talking about the hard cider he had before the race. His reply to a comment  was "you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning." Part of me was like right on man, that's how you roll. It also confirmed my own sobriety. I would have been frightened to death thinking I couldn't get any booze for 16hrs.

 This is something I had spent a good part of the day dreaming of. Just getting off my feet and laying down for a bit. My crew kept me on track and let me "sleep" for about 45 min, eat change shoes and off I went with my fresh pacer Veronica. Veronica drove up to save my bacon and keep me company. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends that are willing to leave their families and trudge through some slow ass miles with my tired ass.

We made our way through the night to a wonderful sunrise keeping each other amused with funny stories and raw emotion.  I'm so grateful that we were able to share those miles.

Poor Veronica, when we got to the 80ish mile aid station my crew wasn't there. I wasn't sure what I was going to do? This is where I NEEDED some food, attention and clean socks for sure. What I didn't really know was how fucked up my feet were at that point. What was to be a 20-30 min stop was probably 1.5 hrs. 

I had the nicest trail angel clean my feet and ever so gently tape them up so I could keep going. People were lookin' pretty concerned when they walked by and saw my feet.  We packed up and headed out, Craig's first pacing duty. The miles kind of clicked off and passing 100 plus mark was rather comforting because I could start counting down the miles from here. Still, it felt like all we did was climb, climb and climb some more. The decent to Tunnel Creek was rough. The miles seemed to go on forever and the road down to the aid station was too steep for me to run and uncomfortable to walk. I had a burst of energy prior to the road and dropped Craig (per his request) and I had much time to think about how bad I was hurting. I stopped about a 100 yrds from the aid station, dropped to my knees and began to bawl. I was convinced my race was over............ My feet have never hurt so bad. I was crushed, all the training, all of the support from friends, my spirits were at a low point feeling I was going to let everyone down.

 Spike took a long look at my feet and decided he could fix them. It was going to be a process, he said sit back and relax. Let me say that Spike was being as gentle as he could be, just even the slightest touch to my toes sent me squirming in my chair. Wicked painful! Being that this was a new distance I had no clue on when my pacers would be needed. Veronica had been such a trooper, now it was Shana's turn!

We made our way through Incline Village. Getting strange looks from the rather well heeled tourists as we made our way down the bike path. The easy fun "stroll" through town was nice, but short lived. We hit the power line, BOOM! It was so steep we'd take 20 steps and rest, 20 steps rest and repeat all the way up. This one section must have taken an hour to go a mile, at least it felt that way. Once we reached the highpoint I needed a break.

I had been looking for more flattering pictures but this accurately captures the moment. Dog ass tired and completely stoked to have the love of my life by my side. We climbed some more and a little more, a little more then we were treated to some of the nicest single track I had run so far. One of the trickiest things to combat in this kind of running is managing the highs and lows. Shana and I rolled into the next aid station right before the sun went down. I must say the aid station was a tad wacky, between the costumes and rather inebriated volunteers I really wanted to get out and get moving.  For some reason the vibe didn't feel right for me. 

Craig resumed his pacing duties and it's a good thing because I was starting to fall apart mentally. as we left the aid station they informed us that there had been some vandalism. This was a bit troublesome, The course marking had been perfect, just when you needed to see a dragon, they would appear. Even better at night the reflectors would light up 100's of yards away. But here was the section that wasn't spot on. I convinced Craig that we were going the wrong way and ended up backtracking and adding an extra 3 miles to the night. Hence my 208 finish rather than 205.

We had another runner and his pacer come by and get us going in the right direction. This was nice but they were moving much faster than us. I stopped to change batteries in my headlamp and I was like go ahead I'll catch up...........Dang, they took off! Next thing I know, I'm having to haul ass down the trail to catch up to them. So, these new batteries I put in, lasted about 2hrs. Boom, rookie mistake. I had thought about putting new energizer batteries in because the re-chargeable batteries had not been working so well. Well guess what................I forgot!

 In my ever frantic pre race packing I stumbled upon this tiny little light on my keychain and thought "Hmm, I'll just clip that on my pack". Now, having run a few stage races I have learned that picking something up and thinking "wow, that doesn't weigh much" and adding it to a pack can get heavy. This little bastard saved ma bacon. I ended up clipping it to the wrist strap on my hiking pole and holding it out in front of me as I made my way down the trail to Tahoe city.  Shitty light, fatigue and a sense that we were going in circles made for a long night.

At this point Craig an I are spun! We are tired, hungry and almost discouraged. When off to the side of the trail I see this critter. It's not a rat, it's not a hamster I have no idea what it is. I've been seeing all kinds of things for the last few hrs on the trail. Most of which wasn't real. So I hollar to Craig, "you seein' this?" He screams back, "YES but it's not a goddamn dog so don't pet it"! Still not convinced this was real thing, I had to google it once we got home after the race. 

 Craig and I finally made it to Tahoe City. Much to my surprise my very strict rule following wife was like, "wait here, I'll get the car for you to rest in" I said "but they said to park across the st". And she very salty replied "F#ck them, you need to sleep"! I crawled into the passenger side of the car pulled up my down bag and got cozy only to have Craig bring me an egg burrito. My dilemma began, eat or sleep, eat or sleep. Eating won out. At that point I needed solid food more than sleep. I changed my socks, tended to some blisters and Shana and I took off. We were a few 100 yards form the aid station when Mark came flying by. "We can run the last 50k in less than 6hrs and make it under 80 hrs" he shouted as he ran past. Not gonna happen for me. I had a few reasons, A. I'm not sure I was feeling it right then and B. I was running with my best friend, Shana. This wonderful woman has had to endure many an ultra and has been suited up to pace only to see me come into an aid station, know that we were not going out and I was racking up another DNF. She can read me like a book Not this time! We had a blast, the trails were steep, the views were awesome and it was just the two of us! Climb, climb, climb We reached the top and were once again treated to some of the most spectacular flowing single track down to 190. It was so nice that Craig had a bit of a startle when he realized that we were coming in a lot faster than he figured. (Shana had the same type of startle earlier in the race.) We came flying it to mile 90 feeling great,

We ate, drank and tried not spend too much time hanging out. I'm not sure if I was pumped to get going or just to be done. As with most of the aid stations and fresh pacers, they are ready to run. Me, not so much. It takes me a bit to start going again. We ran/hobbled through civilization for what seemed like a few miles but probably only one. Once we hit the dirt, we stopped to talk to some folks walking their dogs because at this point being social was more important than moving quickly. We climbed and climbed. Seriously, this race was one up after another. Craig had been talking to another pacer and they told him "when you think you are at the top, you aren't"! We climbed, we talked shit, we laughed and BAM! the wind kicked in. We stopped put on our jackets and made our way to the top.  

I can't describe how good it was to see this sign! Woo hoo we're heading to the finish. It was all down hill from here........... Craig and I donned the iPods to rock our way to the finish.  Craig asked if I wanted to listen to Rise of the Valkyries, uh nope. Not interested, I had Taylor Swift queued up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM I have no shame. I'm quite partial to this tune.

Victory whoop

The Lean

I'm cold

Home snoozin

Pre race with Candice. Thank you for such a great event.

Best team ever!

The Buckle!

Howie

Oh the pain.

I think I ruined the tub.

Trail angel

Knuckle heads

More Knuckle heads

Big beers for 200 miles

Nap time on the way home and before work

Should have been 205 but we got lost. But 208, 1 lap, I'll take it! Thanks everybody it was quite the adventure!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J13FvcM47PA

Efforts, big and small

So while at the R&R Marathon I heard that there was a mini marathon. Not knowing what that could be I had to look it up. Really……….. a 5K? More people are running marathons, mud runs, color runs and the dreaded R-word (a race series I do not mention out of respect for the old goat).  I started running at one of the best trail races ever while in Indiana. Paper plates with magic marker arrows and the cupboard soup at the finish. I was less than fast and took many walk breaks (still not really fast) but trudged on to have a blast.

What ever gets people off the couch is great! I still love getting a medal after a race, the best ones being hand made. But why is there a desire to overstate the distances? Can we give credit for any run and the guts to pin on a bib and toe the line?

Is it real?

I was scanning fb the other day. I say scanning because do we ever really read stuff? When we ask somebody, "hey. how are you"? Do we actually care?

One of my friends posted this " ....funny thing Facebook, I notice how rarely people post when they are down or are having a difficult time most posts are super duper happy and you could easily believe that most of the face book peeps never have a bad or dull day...….

I have said it before fb is the perpetual first date. Presenting only the pretty photos, good stories and the face that we want the world to see.

I have been able to change my life for the better one the last few decades. I was given a second chance at life. I do my best to embrace my life on a daily basis. There are days however that I can get agoraphobic. I slide into depression and sit on my ass a binge on TV (thanks Netflix).

Right now I'm dealing with my lack of compassion for a family member. I have no feelings for this particular person's situation.  I am looking inward to find some compassion

Cross Fit, Paleo, Barefoot Running and other topics that piss people off!

MY blog my RANT

Judging by the responses of my posting about CF I have touched a nerve. I participate in a sport where I am called a freak on a regular basis. Do I get PISSED and go on and on about it how that's not the truth? I hope not.  But tell somebody that CF or a hardcore extreme diet is bad for them and WOO HOO panties are all bunched up!

When I first heard of CF some years ago, I thought wow what a great idea. It was pitched as all over fitness encompassing various workouts to keep it fun, fresh and also from hitting a plateau. As I watched it grow, I watched people treat it more like a cult and religion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De7rbB2bteE


If you diss CF you are met with the same rage as talking bad about Scientology with Tom C or John T. What gives? Why are Cfitters so damn sensitive? Please tell me……………….

Friendship

I'll be the first to admit I am intermittent about blog posting. It's partly because I think I am lazy but largely I think it's because I want to wait till I have something to say rather than the ramblings of a serial self inflated asshole.

I am thinking about friendship. What kind of friend am I, what kind of friend do I want to be, what do I admire in people to want to call them friend?

Social media has expanded and narrowed friendship in the same moment. I have over ### of friends on my social media page, most of which I have never met and never will. Does this mean I am liked? What does this say about me? I am told, it's none of my business what other people think of me, and for quite a few years it really worked. I drank, smoked and did things without regard of the consequences. My motto "If I can't remember, it didn't happen".

The longer I am in recovery the more I care about how people view me but at the same time there are only a select few people whose opinions matter to me. Yet another Yin and Yang concept in practice. It's made simple.

The Goal is not to be the best at any cost,but good enough so as not to be picked last.

I woke up this morning with that buzzing through my head. I was reveling in the comfort of my puffy pillowed bed. The weekend consisted of early mornings of running and today I have the luxury of sleeping in (6:00am), coffee, bad T.V. in bed and a wife that can work at home on occasion.

I was never any good at sports growing up. In H.S. I discovered that I had a knack for soccer. Mostly because I could run. I could run fast and I could run for a long time. I had somewhat of a Forrest Gump  quality when it came to sports. I also have what my wife likes to call a badger-like focus when it comes to racing.

I'm not bagging on the DFL, in fact I applaud the person that guts it out to the bitter end. One of the most attractive parts of ultras is the sense of community we share.  Taking care of each other  on the trail and standing at the finish line waiting for the last runner to finish.

I'm not saying I don't like to do well or would even like to "win" an event. The reality of being in the most stacked age group keeps me grounded. I take great joy in being able to toe the start line with the winners as well as the DFL!

ME me me me me me me

  So how does one trudge the path of selflessness? What is true selflessness? We are in an age of "look at me,"post it now. Phones have features that give you the option to take a pic and post it right away. I am not free from the selfie, far from it. I like me, my blog is a testament to my me-ness. This is my soapbox! I do my best to open my trap sparingly. I find too much ranting all of the time labels you as, sir bitch a lot. I am a complainer, I bitch a lot. Mostly just to blow off steam.  

Hero's

I can't remember really ever having heroes growing up. I we didn't watch sports in my house and I never got the man crush on a particular athlete. Losing my father at a young age might of had something to with it as well. But hero worship seems to be a mainstay in our culture. I just don't get it. I have people I admire. I just try not to place unreal expectations on people. I was taught to give it your best and be proud of your efforts.

This brings an addition to a previous post of mine. Half Rant, Half Truth. What is the difference between saying, "okay, I did my best" and blowing so much smoke up your own ass you actually convince yourself that you need major pats on the back.

Adulation can be wonderful. We all like a little pat on the back, a little good for you, nice effort. But when do you draw the line shut the hell up and make it happen. Prior to getting sober my life was a series of DNS or DNF's. But that didn't stop me from being a blowhard and going on and on about how great I was. Time and a DNF allowed me to do some soul searching and decide what lessons can I gain from Ultras.

Follow the Pink Flags, Iceland style

                                                                         

Wow, life is amazing. Seems like I was just thinking Iceland, who would want to go run in Iceland that might be CHILLY!

I am a fortunate man. If I were to write a list of the things I was grateful to have in my life I would probably not get to the actual blog for quite sometime.  I must start off by saying how great it is to run for such a great organization like Runwell and even better at a Racing the Planet event. If you have ever considered a stage race RTP is the way to go!

Iceland was never on my radar as a destination but I guess that is one of the reasons it makes it such a fantastic place to visit and a running visit allows for a detailed view of the country that most others will never see. Speaking of seeing things, any pictures I post will be from other sources as my camera was disabled from the start of the trip and I did not get a single picture.

Flying to Iceland was so much better than flying to Egypt.  The flights were shorter and less crowded. I met up with Veronica in Seattle and the rest of my Runwell teammates in Reykjavic. Although we did not run as an official team, we all wore the Runwell kit and in my book that made us a team. This made for a good trip to the hotel as we talked and got to know each other a bit and decided to go out to breakfast together prior to hotel check-in.  Unlike Egypt I was able to stroll around Reykjavic for most of the day finding places to grab food for the pre-race meal at camp the next day. Lets just say this, Iceland has really good yogurt! Back to the hotel. I was able to have early gear check, all good, nothing missing. I even had a few extra items I was able to pass along to some others that did not get their baggage in time for the race. All the while meeting people or saying hello to folks I ran with in Egypt.
Saturday was course briefing, lunch, and a bus ride to camp.
               
We started off with a major change in where we were going to sleep. Camp 1 was too windy and cold for us to go to so they switched us to what I would consider an Icelandic version of a KOA. Race day, too windy and too cold to take us out on the original route they had planned. It's a good thing, I really did not want to wade through waist high glacial melt on the first day of a 250k race! What we ended up doing was running the same road we drove out on the day before. OMG, I hate the sound of 200 people bitching, "this is boring, If I wanted to run roads I'd stay at home", blah blah blah. For me, this is the bane of stage racing. You get to not only hear the bitching and sniveling but you get to see those same folks day after day. The race directors have our safety in mind first and the lovely course had to come in second.

Camp 2 was on what I would call a knoll. And it was windy as all get out. The bonus was that there
was a mountaineering shack where they set up the hot water and cyber tent. It was hot and cramped but really nice to get out of the wind for a bit. Not a bad night's sleep. As for the wind, I will say it helped in drying out the day's clothes. Another restless night with the wind howling and flapping the canvas tent and noise emanating from other tent mates (and I'm not talking about not snoring). We headed down the road we came up on the day before which was a little unsettling because it was windy and we had already run it. We had spectacular views and a ton of wind. One of my favorite quotes of the day was after slogging through wind and a short but incredibly steep climb a volunteer said to me. "Go up a 100 yards, turn and it will get a little windy" WTF? GET WINDY? and so it did, 60 mph right in the kisser! Oh wait, this wind was coming right off a glacier. A few miles of that, down a sharp and steep road to the power lines. We followed these power lines for about 5 or 6 miles to the awaiting busses. This was unexpected. But the weather being what it was they moved our camp to a farm a few miles away. This was fantastic! The farmer cleared out his barn and we could get out of the wind and actually socialize while we ate.

Off to camp 3. Today was the prettiest day so far. The sun came out and I was having wonderful day running. We had another day of roads but let me explain the difference between roads here and roads
in Iceland. We have a shitload of pavement here and fires roads that are mostly smooth and a bit rocky. Iceland on the other hand is sparsely paved or paved with rock. A large portion of today's road was baseball and softball sized rocks dumped out of a truck and smoothed out. The entire surface was ROCK! This made running somewhat difficult. But I decided it was easier to run over the rocks than through them. This worked well for me until the steep ass downhills. This is where I became a little worried, thinking "shit, what if I need to stop?" The picture of trying to come to a complete stop on what amounted to running on ball bearings did not look good. So rather than worry, I ran faster! This allowed me to catch and pass several people. As I came down to the last 300 or so yards a German fellow saw me coming and wasn't gonna let me pass and the race was on! We were in an all out sprint. I couldn't muster the power for that last pass and crossed the line seconds after him to be greeted with huge smiles as we high fived each other and laughed with the joy of the race. A much different feeling than the slogging feeling we have endured the last couple of sunless days.

Camp 4 will be the scenic run. We are to run through the Lava Tube. In my mind, this will be a smooth fast lava tunnel. Well it wasn't. It's barely 2k from the start and folks are sprinting like hell to get there. It's not a road run either, we are hopping from spongy moss covered rock to rock trying hard not to sprain an ankle. We get to the cave and have to remove our packs. Well this is a giant pain in the ass for me because of my hoopty strapping system for my chest pack. I came to the realization that once the pack was on in the morning, it was staying on! Have I mentioned that a good portion of your down time is spent in a queue? A queue for hot water, a queue for internet and a queue for the toilets. One of my tent mates asked why Des and I got up so early and I replied it was easier to get into the bathroom. This queue for the cave pissed me off a bit. We were not allowed to pass in the cave. This made me dig into my patience reserve. I wanted to keep moving and get out to run and the guy in front of me wanted to stop, fumble and take pictures. Once out I had to strap the pack back on and get moving. This is where I saw Lee run like a bat out of hell. I heard she was afraid of small spaces and upon exiting the cave, she pinned it and never looked back! I took today rather easy because we still had the long march ahead of us. Lucky for me I got to camp right before the rain started to fall. This would have been one of the more scenic camps had we not had to huddle in our tent or the "river cafe." I wish I could say that the wind had died down considering it was raining and all. As we settled in our tents for the evening the volunteers came to tell us not to touch the walls of the tent, this would lead to leaks. Ugh, my spot for the entire week was on the windward side of the tent that night. I had to lay super still while the wall of the tent bowed in over my head. Yet another restless night.

The long march. After a somewhat blustery course briefing they loaded us into busses for a 100 yd trip over the river. Getting 250 people ready and across a small river for the long march is much like herding cats. I am all too punctual some days. So this meant standing around freezing my ass off for a half an hour or better. The run was brutal, some wonderful single track leading to the beach. The beach was WINDY really WIND. After the beach came the lava cliffs. The lava cliffs were slippery and well supervised by the Icelandic search and rescue. Once past the cliffs it was wind, wind and more wind. I was not disappointed that the "Long March" was only 65k or so. I was tired. Crap, I'm tired right now! I am always a bit surprised when I am running as to how much time I spend running alone. I had been doing well all week and wanted to keep my position. I had been thinking I would place somewhere in the 60's. But noticed at the start I could get into the 50's and really wanted to get there. My focus was not so much to pass people but moreover not get passed. I did okay. I finished the Long March in 8:50 by my watch. It was so crappy out at the finish line we quickly boarded a bus to the gymnasium Racing the Planet arranged for us to stay in.

The Gym was a wonderful respite from the elements and, wait for it..................a SHOWER!!!!!!!

We spent Thursday night and Friday out of the rain. Although some of the competitors (those that brought cash) chose to bend the rules and hit the local pizza place and bakery. It was kinda funny that it wasn't till the evening briefing they mentioned assessed time penalties for anyone seen purchasing food and immediate disqualification for anyone bringing booze back into the gym. I'm pretty sure it was an empty threat. I have yet to see any handed out. Crap, I would have rolled the dice had I brought my wallet.

Saturday we packed up and got on the busses for the last 10k. It was comical because they opted not to set up the start line banner. So the bus drivers spent 45 minutes looking for pink flags and our caravan of busses got lost! Finally they found the flags, pulled over and 250 people jumped out to pee. We gathered at the makeshift start and BANG! We were off. I was in good position and didn't want to loose any spots so I pinned it knocking out the last 9k relatively fast. We finished at the Blue lagoon with hot soup and sodas (beer as well).  Imagine 250 stinky, sweaty and wet runners invading your soak? After a about an hour soaking in the most amazing hot spring, we were off to the hotel. Another shower and I had a nice walk downtown to procure a snack. Pringles and a coke never tasted so good. Back for the awards banquet. Tent 16 decided to sit together and I made sure to snag a table right next to the door. It's one of my quick getaway habits that worked out well because it put us in the front of the BUFFET LINE. Woo Hoo! I felt for the chefs, I don't think they were prepared for the voracious onslaught of hungry runners about to decimate their lovely buffet. Within 45 min minutes there were people trolling the empty tables ready to eat the any thing left that looked edible.

To sum it up and a few sentences. I am truly grateful to have been allowed to represent Runwell yet again in a stage race. I was able to meet and run with so many great folks especially my Runwell compadres. And huge amount of respect goes out to the Racing the Planet crew and volunteers that braved the elements making sure we had a great camp to come back to at the end of every day.

Bib #191

Yea, I'm going to see the northern lights, at least I hope to see them. I am getting the chance to represent Runwell (http://www.runwell.com ) at my second Racing The Planet Event (http://www.4deserts.com/beyond/iceland/index.php).

I will be leaving Thursday for my second international race. Last fall I ran through the Sahara. Roll back through a couple blog posts and check it out.

I run because I can, I can because of the gift of sobriety. My path has been filled with people that have taken time to help, guide and council me though my rough times and good times.

Runwell is a great opportunity to become involved in recovery whether you are in need of help or simply want to help someone who is. Please pop on over to Facebook and like Runwell https://www.facebook.com/Runwell1 if you haven't already.

Please, if you have the means, a donation to Runwell would greatly be appreciated.

http://www.active.com/donate/iceland/Willen 

Why?

Why is a great question one, we have applied to so many things. I don't and won't talk much about my childhood for many reasons. Mostly because I don't have a clear memory of it and what I do remember is rather painful and makes people uncomfortable when I do talk about it.

I was quick to understand the phrase "some die so others may live". I have held on to that for many years, when thinking about my fathers death from alcoholism. I am lucky, I hit bottom and have been sober for quite some time.  Others however, are not so fortunate.

I have tried over the years to BE the best example of sobriety I can be. At times I have wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders and scream "It's not that fucking hard"!!!! But we get in our own way sometimes. I knew I had a problem and chose to wear it like a badge. Screw hiding the booze! I was a drunk not an Alcoholic! Alcoholics go to meetings........ Through a series of events, loosing a job, place to live etc..... I was able to reach out and ask for help. I was finally WILLING to do something about my drug and alcohol use. I took that first step, from that day on my life has changed more than I could possibly imagine.

Over the last 15 years I've had an on and off again relationship with my oldest sister. I make her mad, we don't talk. She makes me mad, we don't talk. I was going out of my mind wondering why she just couldn't get it, and had a rather disappointing conversation with her a week ago. Last Sunday I was able to call her and tell her I loved her. She passed the next day, her pain is over. Mine is just beginning. I need it, I will feel it, I will get through it.

All the pictures that I poached off the web are from Donner Summit. Donner holds special memories for all of the people in my family. I can say that was the one thing we all shared was the love of the Sierras. This especially holds true for Tonnie. I know over the last few years thinking about going back to Soda Springs was one of the few joys in her life.

                                                                     I love you sis

Half Rant Half truth

"Half measures availed us nothing" is a phrase I seemed to have heard somewhere? I guess in my world, it's a phrase I hear often. I think almost every single time I go to a meeting. If I'm paying attention I think it is on page 59.

This comes to mind as I think about when somebody tells me that they ran a marathon a 13.1!

Now, I don't want to come off as some kind of ass. But when did 13.1 become a marathon? Was there a meeting that I missed?  This follows the course of many of my thoughts over the past few years. The inflation of one's accomplishments is nothing new to sport and life. "Dude, I hooked with a total ten last night". Really? I bet she was a seven, max! My favorite all time inflation, is in recovery "when I got into recovery back in.................? " Wow you must have some time? Oh no, I can't stay sober for more than a month, I just keep coming back. I hear that shit all the time.......... I love it! Because they keep coming back. I sometimes wish they would shut the fuck up and listen. I myself thought that because I had not had a drink in two years that I was stone cold sober and went to the occasional meeting. That makes me chuckle now, I was smoking weed on a daily basis and dipping into other substances. But hey, "I didn't drink, I must be sober" That kind of thinking almost killed me. I am lucky. I had that moment of clarity that allowed me to reach out and ask those who really were sober to show me how.

Now I'm no saint and am super guilty of talkin my shit up. But seriously when did running a 13.1 qualify as a marathon? I do cling to the philosophy that if you run a mile and walk a mile you are still

lapping everyone on the couch. As long as you are out there you are killing it!

 

This is where ego comes into play. Am I free from it, can I really live without it? I would like to think I could, but honest enough to know I can't. My ego is delicate dangerous creature. I am sensitive, I am rock hard. These are the dualities of my life.  But as long as I move forward I will be doing okay.