I was quick to understand the phrase "some die so others may live". I have held on to that for many years, when thinking about my fathers death from alcoholism. I am lucky, I hit bottom and have been sober for quite some time. Others however, are not so fortunate.
I have tried over the years to BE the best example of sobriety I can be. At times I have wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders and scream "It's not that fucking hard"!!!! But we get in our own way sometimes. I knew I had a problem and chose to wear it like a badge. Screw hiding the booze! I was a drunk not an Alcoholic! Alcoholics go to meetings........ Through a series of events, loosing a job, place to live etc..... I was able to reach out and ask for help. I was finally WILLING to do something about my drug and alcohol use. I took that first step, from that day on my life has changed more than I could possibly imagine.
Over the last 15 years I've had an on and off again relationship with my oldest sister. I make her mad, we don't talk. She makes me mad, we don't talk. I was going out of my mind wondering why she just couldn't get it, and had a rather disappointing conversation with her a week ago. Last Sunday I was able to call her and tell her I loved her. She passed the next day, her pain is over. Mine is just beginning. I need it, I will feel it, I will get through it.
All the pictures that I poached off the web are from Donner Summit. Donner holds special memories for all of the people in my family. I can say that was the one thing we all shared was the love of the Sierras. This especially holds true for Tonnie. I know over the last few years thinking about going back to Soda Springs was one of the few joys in her life.
I love you sis
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